We all know the sayin that ‘hurt people, hurt people’ right? So often we see that a lot of people take issues to seeing people of different races dating. And then, they in turn hurt the two people in the relationship. So there is a lot hurt going on here. So let’s unpack this.

I thought twice about actually writing this because I don’t have a personal experience with this. However, I have had feelings about it more so trying to figure out why this hurts so many and should I be hurt when I see a black man with another race? I have plenty of friends who have voiced their opinion about it and more times out of none, they have negative reactions. In America, the European looks are gloried and have sent most women of color in distain for the way they look! So that plays a huge factor. But it even goes deeper in to stereotypes that women of color are often more angry, bossy, lazy, difficult, and anything else you can think of. Especially black women. So not only are our looks attacked, our character is too. This narrative was made up and believed by not only white people but every other races as well. To make matters worse, typically when a black man is dating another race people praise him for “upgrading” which also stirs more hurtful feelings for black women pushing the idea that we are the lowest on the pole. To make matters even more worse,if a black man is asked why he married outside his race, the man will often blame the black woman. It’s completely ridiculous and it shouldn’t be this way. A person’s reason for loving and marrying whom they want shouldn’t inadvertently hurt a whole group of people.

So for other cultures, like in the Asian, I have had friends tell me that it is all based their elders thinking that the culture would be lost. So its not out of hate in most cases but out of preservation of their proud traditions. Even Jeannie Mai on the daytime show “The Real” said that her own mother had similar feelings when marrying her now ex husband Freddy. The people in my circle who are Hispanic, seemed to be a very open group to dating outside their race with hardly any stigmas.

One group that tend to hurt about this as well is white people. I’m a little out of my element with this portion because I really really wish I could figure out the hate that comes from this side. I know there are plenty of people who still push that rhetoric that we should be equal but separate. I think they may want to consult with their ancestors on that part because black people were legit brought here lol. There is no way to be equal if we are separate. I don’t know any other reasons why other than hate for someone different than them than maybe fear. Those reasons are not to be understood. They are simple to be changed in the future.

I was recently at one of my favorite quick salad places Newks. Now the salads can easily run you about $12 which isn’t terrible but its great if you have a coupon. You know that feeling of excitement when you get that very specific coupon and you can’t wait to use? That was me. So I get ready to order my Greek salad and the lady says, “What kind of drink?” And me being the H20 and wine consumer, naturally didn’t plan on drinking one buying a fountain drink. She then tells me that in order to use the coupon, I had to order the unwanted drink. “You gotta read the fine print” she added. And I simple said “In every aspect of life” in a defeated tone.

So when I sat down with my delicious, but not real discounted meal, it made me wonder why do we ignore the fine print? I know it was just a coupon but I had that damn coupon for days and not once did I see the terms and conditions. It made me wonder what other things I ignored because of the bigger thrill or want. I’m in a relationship right now and I ‘m not going to lie, dating is hard and merging your life with someone is even harder. But I can’t help but wonder if our differences could have been avoided if we had taken the time really real each other. Don’t get me wrong. I’m head over heels for my guy and we’re great. And the areas where we are not so great, we are working on. It hasn’t given us much pause to our flourishing but it has granted us not so great days and sometimes we still don’t get where each other is coming from, but still agree to disagree.

You always want to show your best hand when meeting, dating or even falling in love with someone. We always want to ball up when the thought of someone peeling back our labels and exposing all the good with the bad. However, wouldn’t it be even sweeter if that special someone accepted all of you? What are we fraud of? Losing that person? Did they really have us in the first place if they didn’t see all of you? Some may say withholding is lying.

Sometimes, I believe that we prefer to see what we want to see. Even with the fine print on the label sticking right at us. I guess its just easier. Until it isn’t.

“Something happens when you turn 30 and the one thing that is not okay is age shaming”

So, as a 30 year old woman now and like most at this age, I started questioning where my life is going and more importantly where The hell my twenties went! Did I really apply myself? Where did I go? Am I actually living my dreams? Should I be having babies? I’m I on a time clock? All questions that should be answered. It should be ok to ask these questions but why is there so much fucking guilt and worry that comes with this? Like the kid question. Men can legit have kids well past the age a woman can on average. So no pressure on them right? But for us baby growers, this question can be so daunting. It easy to say “things will happen when they are suppose to” or to say “Just live your life and don’t worry about what the next person is doing”. But that gets a little hard to believe when we are all up in each other’s business ALL THE TIME. So we get to see people living out loud thanks to social media. It gets kind of hard not to compare and inevitably put yourself on the invisible time clock.

Now lets talk about what time does to the body. HA! So things start to happen subtly and I heard after 35, oh boy! I personally have only noticed that I can’t lose weight as quickly and I don’t go bra less as mush as I usually would. These are all vain reasons but none the less a little irritating. It’s a part of life and will happen to every woman so I think embracing it is a thing of beauty. I started taking more yoga classes, and definitely started drinking more water. I look back at pictures of my 21 year old self and compare, but in a good way. I feel more womanly that I ever have and simply gorgeous in the accepting of my body. Even though I ‘m a couple sizes bigger, I’m in much better shape that I was when I was in my early twenties with a lot less alcohol in my system too. I think after 30, you start appreciating your self more and taking better care of yourself. Explore and gain different eating habits and exercises to see how far you can push yourself.

Your old friends. Who made the cut into the wild 30s for you? Everyone is not meant to continue your journey with you and that okay. They have their own journey to travel. Love them no less. It is very true that you out grow people or they outgrow you.

In conclusion, I don’t think getting older is as scary as it seemed. In actuality they is for much gratitude that comes with aging. So hello 30 and I look forward to meeting my friend 40.

“There is nothing to do in Memphis!”

Have you ever heard this or actually said this? Yeah? Well I too am a former transgressor of saying this. However, one thing Memphis isn’t short on is culture. From theatre, art galleries, festivals, concerts, ballets, live music, and overall fun and unique activities to do.

Historically, we know about Stax and the infamous blues tradition but I have found that a lot of millennial interests is getting lost in translation. Meaning that the historical content is lit, but as far as new traditions, it falls a little short. It seems that young professionals are not moving here for the exciting jobs and therefore the economic growth seems to stunted. However, some great things about living in Memphis is the low cost of living and the none existing of traffic. If you have ever lived in a bigger city you definitely know how important it is to have practically no traffic.

So how do we solve this misconception? Well as a millennial and an art consumer, I have discovered great things to keep myself entertained. There are theaters like Hattiloo, Playhouse, Theatre Memphis, Indie Festivals, Music Festivals, concerts at Daisy Theatre and Minglewood, escape rooms, a Farmer’s Market, and a small group of plays that are interactive and contemporary. Overton Square and the downtown area definitely house most of these events so on any given day you can catch a good time. Live music and drinks are always a go to. And here er celebrate every national “drink day” that we can. Just a few days ago was national margarita day and Babalu in Midtown (Overton Square) had $5 Margaritas!

So concluding, there is always somewhere and something to do. Just got use that little thing called google.

“We made a deal ages ago. Men, babies, it doesn’t matter. We’re soul mates.” – Samantha Jones

Sorry guys this one is just for the gals. Women have now found the perfect excuse to go out with the “girls” twice a week. According to science, Women Should Go Out With Girlfriends Twice A Week To Be Healthier. Now if science says it, it must be true. I recently started a twice a month trend with my friends and we are so ready for some cocktails and catch up. We live in Memphis, Tn and we are all African American creatives. There are PLENTY of things to do in Memphis, TN (contrary to belief) and we actually had a hard time figure out which happy hour to hit up. We love well made cocktails, so of course Alchemy, The Peabody, and Onix were on the top of the list. (Check out the links below to these awesome places)

So girls, why is it so important to see your girlfriends not matter how much time has passed or what is going on in your lives? Well, I for one think the it’s healthy because men just don’t understand! They mostly nod and say “For real” in moments when they should react to our drama. It’s so frustrating. I also believe that seeing your friends, especially at their best, motives you financially, career wise, or it could even persuade you to get a new look if your friends are killing it in the fashion department. Also, sometimes your friends are just “not ok” and need to be around you and a crowd. Positive energy is just as contagious as negative energy.

Sometimes texting and social media is just not enough. We should not totally count that as our only form of communication. Or you will end up like a lot friends when life gets in the way of friendship. Not really friends anymore and out of touch. You will never know how much you miss it until you actually do it! That’s why I’m super amped for my best girl friends outing next week. Oh we decided to go to Onix in Midtown on this Wednesday February 26th. They have $5 apps and Martinis plus live music. So EXCITED. Will give you all a nice review. Hopefully the twice a month can turn into every week girls night. Happy cocktails!

http://alchemymemphis.com

onixrestaurant.com

https://www.peabodymemphis.com/dine/the-lobby-bar

“All publicity is good publicity.” Right? I think now the saying should now be “If you’re trending, at least you’re relevant.” It doesn’t matter if you’re trending for something good or bad. Are the hashtags actually worth it? And are we more inclined to share, comment, or retweet the negative stories than the positive? So with that said, Who are we mad at today?

To be real, the scandal is delicious and we consume it. We say it’s a shame but we can’t actually say we can’t wait to discuss it, debate it, and cast an opinion. Celebrities get it the worse but, it also adds to their fame. Post R. Kelly’s glory days, he went from being an accused pedophile to having an entire series (yes I said series) about the horrific things his victims endured. I don’t know what’s worse- the making of it or how many of us actually watched it. R. Kelly’s music streams actually spiked. “Surviving R. Kelly,” Lifetime’s damning documentary on the R&B star, appears to have reignited interest in his music even as many fans and celebrities condemn the artist and call to #MuteRKelly on social media” according to USA Today.

While the “times up movement” has brought to light a lot of abuse, are we particular about who we are willing to forgive? Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein, and even Russell Simmons have all been outed as inappropriate towards women. But I’ve noticed that we tend to be a little more mad at certain people than others. I think it’s hard to see your favorite celebrities in a certain light and first impressions, whether they be in person or on the screen, is hard to forget.

So everyday on Twitter, we will have someone that we are mad at and I fully believe people love to provoke the masses.

Thanks for joining me!!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

“I mean every day communication with another human is becoming less vital for survival. But Is that survival considered living?

This question has plagued me for a while. Are we alone by choice because we have that option? Or has technology separated us from traditional human connection that we have isolated ourselves and ultimately become lonely? Social anxiety is a real disorder but I can’t help but wonder if the spike in this disorder is because you can go accomplish most things without uttering a word to anyone. Think about it we can go to the supermarket and check out in self check out. We can do online shopping And even get it in less than 48 hours. We can have extensive and serious conversations via text. I mean every day communication with another human is becoming less vital for survival. But Is that survival consider living?

So for millennials, whom I consider the number one consumers of this lifestyle, are we victims of this change? Or are we willing participants? Either way how does that affect the mental stability? In 2019 the Business Insider says “The forecast for millennials’ mental health in 2020 doesn’t look pretty — depression and “deaths of despair” are both on the rise among the generation, linked to issues such as loneliness and money stress.”

I thought that was interesting the article also details about being burned out from working. Let’s face it millennial’s are getting the butt end of the financial stick. While we are very innovative, the most aspired to live dreams, and the most vocal as far as world change – we are also the most in debt. This causes us to work more hours than should be humane. I know personally when I was working an under paid but super overworked job, I felt burned out and the last thing I wanted to do was talk to anyone. Even at the grocery store. That was the first time I used a delivery app for something as small but essential as groceries. The delivery person basically dropped it off, eliminating me speaking to someone I may know at the supermarket down to an employee asking “Do you need help with anything?”

So still with hardly any money, there isn’t a lot of money to be spent on leisure things. For example going out to eat. That is a social setting that would force human interaction. Even the whole “Netflix and chill” Is a way to shut the world out and have time either with another person or often times yourself. I have found myself binge watching so many shows alone and practically getting lost in a world that didn’t even belong to me. And when you are watching a show that has more than five seasons, LOL you are a part of that show especially if you watch it straight through. My guilty pleasure is Grey’s Anatomy. I am practically board certified at this point!

I have to mention going somewhere for fitness like a gym or a yoga studio because millennials are known to care a lot about fitness and health. I am a Yogi and I love Pilates, and I can tell you firsthand that have been plenty of times that I’ve gone to the studio at least four days out of the week and I have probably spoken less than five words. I am actually weirded out if someone tries to have a conversation with me. Crazy. But clearly one does not even have to leave your house for fitness with all of the at home equipment and also you can bring your class to your home. But today it’s even more assessable because you can get the Gaia app on your phone and take every yoga and Pilates class of your dreams. You don’t even have to leave your house to go and buy the DVD! More solitude.

So in conclusion being both a participant and -even though I hate to say this word victim of this, I have noticed that I don’t do well in social gatherings. I don’t even know when that happened. But I find myself feeling overwhelmed when I actually have to talk to more than one person. And I have realized that I have some social anxiety and five years ago I was never that way. So what do you all think? Are we alone or are we lonely? I personally feel alone and sometimes that gets a little lonely.

https://www.businessinsider.com/millennials-mental-health-burnout-lonely-depressed-money-stress

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